Stimming report #3... all clear :)

Thanks everyone for your lovely comments yesterday.  Mad Hatter - very interesting comment about the possible 'aroma'... that is something I certainly hadn't thought of!

Anyway, all is fine :)  I asked my Doc about the supposed infection and she gave it as much airtime as it deserved. She conferred with the postgrad who had also been on duty on Sunday (in Chinese) and then said 'Doesn't matter'. I took that as the end of the conversation! I'm still feeling fine in that department, so think it was definitely a mistake on the past of the Doc on Sunday for the reasons we've mentioned.

Update stats:

Estrogen: 1693
L: 1.9 x 2, 1.3 x 2, 1.0
R: 1.85, 1.7, 1.6, 1.5 x 2, 1.2 x 2
Endo:8mm

Egg collection provisionally scheduled for Friday!  I need to go back in tomorrow for another check-up but was given a shot of HMG (I think...) today. Not sure what that does.. presumably start getting the follicles mature? If all is well tomorrow, I get the HCG trigger shot ready for Friday.

Feeling good about it all... I guess my endo could be thicker but I'm not letting it worry me. My only mini-concern is that Dr F will be out of town this holiday weekend and I won't get my acupuncture sessions in. I've emailed him and will wait and see. I know plenty of people get that BFP without acupuncture, so I'm trying not to worry too much (think that could be my motto)...

Apart from that, I'm enjoying another gorgeous hot day here in Shanghai by spending what's left of my afternoon on our balcony as it becomes a little suntrap in the afternoons and I've definitely heard someone say that Vitamin D is good for eggs ;)

Staying calm...

No new information today. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your supportive comments since yesterday. I am doing my best to stay calm and not worry about my possible infection. Of course, I am over-analyzing every little twinge and sensation in my abdomen, but they certainly seem to be focused on my ovary areas, rather than my v-jay-jay... and that's normal when your ovaries are swollen to a completely abnormal size, right ?!  I was also very bloated yesterday evening which had me worried for a while, until I realised it was actually gas - much to the displeasure of my bloke as I 'relieved it' ;)

Anyway, I woke up this morning feeling anxious for the first time this cycle, so lay there and asked myself, 'What would I like to do today?' as recommended by Princess Wahna Bea Mama. I realised that I just wanted to stay home by myself, watch some TV and get some sun on our balcony. I have turned down offers to see a good friend, because I don't want to discuss our cycle today (she is the only person IRL who is following along with our news day by day)... I don't want to voice my concerns about this infection any more. I just want to relax and think positive thoughts :)

Stimming report #2... uh, what?!!

Well, my new 'Zen' attitude has been truly tested today. I'm just back from my 2nd stimming checkup and the results are:

Estrogen: 686
L: 1.3 x 2, 1.0, 0.8
R: 1.35, 1.2 x 2, 1.1 x 2 (not sure if there are small ones still to grow)
Endo: 8mm

I had hoped for another couple of follies and a slightly thicker endo this time, but I'm taking solace in Miss Mac's story that these figures could lead to good news down the line. But these numbers aren't the reason for my current deep breaths and need to rant here asap. Beware... TMI coming up..

There was a different Doc on duty today, but I know her and have found her good in the past. Picture the scene.. or perhaps that's not such a good idea in the circumstances....  I'm in the stirrups waiting for the dildocam. Dr J wheels over in her chair, looks at my lady parts and does a visible double-take.. now in some circumstances I might be happy to get that reaction, but this sure as hell wasn't one of them. She goes ahead with the scan and I'm buoyed by her reeling off the sizes of my follies - sounded like there were more.. yey!  Then, as I'm pulling on my underwear she asks if I'm feeling any discomfort in my vagina. Uh, no?!  She calmly states that I might have an infection, but they can't check today because it's Sunday and I should ask my regular Doc on Tuesday. Then she wheels away.

Okaaaay... I get dressed and sit with the Doc. I won't repeat the conversation verbatim because I don't want anyone else to experience the frustration that I did. Basically I asked in about 3 different ways why she thinks I have an infection. She didn't attempt to answer my question and just kept saying to come back on Tuesday and ask my regular Doc to check for infection. This was not terribly helpful.  I then had to wait for my blood test results during which I made a frantic web search on my phone which did not yield much of use. When I got called back in I asked if my cycle would be cancelled if I had an infection.. Doc said 'Maybe, just maybe'. Great!

So what am I thinking/wondering right now?  Random thoughts:

• How the hell could she think I have an infection just from looking at the outside of my bits?! They feel fine and, following a hand mirror inspection on returning home, seem to look perfectly normal (though I can't actually remember the last time I had a good look at them, so can't be 100% sure).  My only thought here is that she spotted some CM.. it has been increasing over the last couple of days due to my increasing estrogen levels.. sometimes it is a bit cloudy-looking (well, I did warn you TMI!). Could she have mistaken it for a yeast infection?! Surely Chinese girls have CM too?!
• She can't be that worried if she wants me to wait until Tuesday to go back in. 
• I'm continuing on exactly the same meds so, again, she can't be that worried. 
• I'm not feeling anything different down there but have got a few twinges in my belly which I put down to my ovaries expanding and, from what I've read, that is perfectly normal.
• I'm also trying to reassure myself that it is unlikely any infection, if there is one, is serious or life-threatening. The most likely outcome would be to cancel this cycle and treat the infection. However, my friend here IRL was about to have an FET last week when she was told she had an infection which may or may not be cervical cancer. (Don't even get me started on the heartless way her Doctor gave her this news...). When I spoke to her on Friday she'd been running from hospital to hospital with a translator to get test after test. I don't yet know the outcome of these tests. In all likelihood we're both completely fine and have nothing some antibiotics won't fix, but what are the odds of this happening to us both in the space of a week?!

Sorry the melodrama took over a little bit there. My brain started running down those 'what-if' paths again. I'm reining my imagination back in and trying to work out how to stop obsessing over this for the next 48 hours until I get an answer one way or the other...

First stimming update!

I'm back from my first ultrasound and blood test on this, day 5 of stimming.... the results are in:

Estrogen: 275
L: follies at 12 and 11 plus some small
R: follies at 12, 11, 10 plus some small
Endo: 8mm

So how am I feeling? Pretty happy, I think! I was perhaps hoping for a few more follies, but that was probably unrealistic. My antral follicle count a couple of cycles ago was about 10-12 but I didn't know how reliable a measure that was/is. So for some reason, I was hoping for 15 follies which might well be physically impossible!

Now I'm just hoping that some of those small ones (Doctor said about 2-3 each side) join their big brothers and sisters and get in the game :)

Main reason for my sense of peace right now is my endometrium... I know that 8mm is the minimum recommended for transfer (at least, that's what Zi.ta We.st says) and, in my previous IUIs, I only got to 8mm the day before the procedure with the help of estrogen tablets. You may remember that one Dr said I would need a D&C before having IVF because my endo was so thin.. or at least aspirin and viagra. But today the Dr (a different, more experienced one) was completely happy with my 8mm :)  And hopefully it will continue to grow all nice and warm and soft ready for an embie or 2!

So I'm continuing with the same meds and feeling optimistic. Maybe the acupuncture with Dr F is really having an effect, both on my endo and my mood... I've never felt this chilled out about something so incredibly important to me :)

By the way, the picture is one I sneakily took at my clinic. You can see the guys and gals gathering round the consultation room window hoping to get seen first. Inside this room there was probably a woman in stirrups and/or being given life-changing news... better than TV, eh?!

Welcome to ICWL!

Welcome if you're stopping by from IComLeavWe April!  Thanks for coming :)

If you're new to my blog, here's a quick-ish summary of our story...

My bloke and I are from the UK but have been living in Asia for about 10 years, the last 4 in China. After TTC for over a year, we started fertility testing and found out that my bloke's motility is fairly bad. There was also some confusion over whether my tubes were clear and if my uterus was bicornuate (shaped like 2 horns/cones). So I had an MRI (still some confusion... have I also got fibroids?!) and then a lap/hyst which showed nothing major to worry about.. a slightly heart-shaped uterus, some inflammation and mild endometriosis, but that's all. :)

We did 3 IUIs, 1 unstimulated, 2 on Gonal-F... all BFN. Then I took a couple of months off to rest, wait for spring (our clinic gets the best IVF results in Spring!),  improve my diet and have acupuncture.

Today is now day 4 of stimming (225 of Gonal-F) on our first IVF long protocol cycle after downregging with Decapeptyl (0.1mg for 2 weeks, now on 0.05mg per day).  So far, so good :)

But the story above is just the facts and figures. It doesn't convey what it's been like to go through a diagnosis of infertility, infertility testing and treatment in a foreign land where, in more ways than one, I don't speak the language. There have been frustrations, disappointments, moments of desperation and despair.. but also many moments of heartfelt gratitude for support from friends, both in real life and online. There have also been comical moments where, as my Mum always says, 'if you didn't laugh, you'd cry!'.

And how am I feeling now? Hopeful, certainly... optimistic might be pushing it (being a natural pessimist, as I am) but genuinely feeling like we're doing everything we can to give this cycle the best possible chance.

The Art of Queuing...

Today was my CD5 visit to the clinic.. my first since starting downregging and my chance to see how a 'normal' IVF visit works.  I got there at 8.15am to register and knew I needed to do my blood test as early as possible but wasn't sure if the test had already been entered on my clinic 'credit' card (and if I had paid for it). I managed to grab one of the English-speaking postgrads to ask and, yes, I was all set to go.

Had my blood test and went to wait for my ultrasound with the Doctor. It seems that you have to wait for the blood test results before you can meet with the Doctor. So I waited... and waited... and waited. Waiting is not a new theme for this blog, but I have been implementing a new 'Zen' approach to the craziness of the Chinese clinic and this was my first chance to really put it to the test. So I read my book, sent a couple of emails and listened to my iPod. I didn't constantly go to the window of the consultation room to see what was happening. I didn't ask the Doctor if they had my file/test results (in other words.. 'I'm here and waiting.. please see me!'). I just waited calmly.

This gave me chance to observe how the other girls spend this time. Having the advantage of a common language, they mostly chat together (Yes, I feel left out. Yes, I know I should have made more effort to learn Chinese). Others had more productive occupations... One girl was doing Sudoku, another knitting what looked like slippers and another doing cross-stitch which I loved as a kid.. now thinking it might be time to get back into it!

At about 12.30 I got to see the Dr... quick ultrasound and all must be fine with the tests because I can start stimming! Gonal-F.. 225 IU for the next 4 days and a return visit on Friday.

Then followed the usual trek to different floors to pay and then pick up my meds - mammoth queue of about 30 girls formed to pick up meds/learn how to do injections/get injections from the nurse. Luckily I was about 8 from the front, so I was home by 2pm.

6 hours of my life I'll never get back!  Luckily I remembered to ask if I can go home whilst waiting for the blood test results and I can. At least I can wait around in the comfort of my own home next time (5 minutes walk from the clinic).

Now drinking lots of water and hoping those eggs are forming :)

PS: the pic above is a comparison of usual British vs Chinese queuing systems. Luckily, the clinic is an exception or my 'Zen' would really struggle!

About time!

For once, I am genuinely pleased to see my period show up (well, given that I've already POAS and know I'm not pregnant!)...  My spotting started yesterday and today it got going proper (3 days late). I'd already done my 0.1mg downregging shot this morning, so I'll have to go to the clinic tomorrow for them to show me how to halve it using the prepared syringes I have.

So I guess I'll count tomorrow as CD1... or should I count today? I read somewhere that CD1 is the first day that you wake up bleeding (which sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?).  Will it make any difference? I go back on CD5 for bloods, baseline ultrasound and presumably to start my stim meds. Part of me wants to go sooner rather than later to get going with the next step... what do you think?

Loser!

Well I went and did something stupid... I took an HPT. Today is CD28 and there has been no sign of AF, so I thought I might as well.  Of course, it was negative. Which is not surprising and not as depressing as other months, because at least we've started the IVF and are looking at our best possible chance this cycle.

But you'd think I'd learn wouldn't you?! I was still holding onto that tiny possibility of being one of the cliches - one of those women who actually start IVF and get pregnant naturally... :)

But I'm feeling fine.. now just impatient for AF to actually arrive so we can get going with stimming.... come on!!

Since when do fertility drugs make you feel 'perky'?!

SPOLIER ALERT!!

I need to make this clear up front... I'm a big Grey's Anatomy fan.. Huge! It makes me cry virtually every episode and I love it even more for that. And I'm not going to comment too much on how it has handled the Meredith/McDreamy baby-making storyline too much.. for one thing, it's been covered very well here.

But this week's episode.. seriously?!  Since when do fertility drugs make you feel 'perky'?! This was Meredith's observation at the beginning of the episode. I know that I've not been on too many different drugs yet (Gonal-F, estrogen, progesterone), but I don't recall any blog posts from girls saying how great they felt...

And then she gets all precious because Derek wants to give her a shot (I mean injection, not the natural kind of shot.. or was that just my dirty mind working overdrive?!) in the elevator, rather than a nice private on-call room.  She should try giving herself a shot in the stomach in a restroom at a big hotel, whilst wearing an evening gown and control pants that cover her entire torso, during a black tie event, whilst attempting to hold a conversation with 2 unknowing girlfriends standing outside the door.. THEN, she has permission to be moody. And I'm sure that's not the worst, most awkward injection-situation anyone's ever been in either.. All stories welcome!