Friday, 8 April 2011

What does it mean?!

I'm now on CD25 and day 6 of downregging meds. The injection drama is over.. now just a little stinging during the shot which is new, but no problem.  And I'm still pretty much symptom-free, apart from a dry throat and slightly drier skin. My natural pessimist has been popping her head up and suggesting that maybe the drugs aren't working because I'm not really feeling anything but I've been telling her to pull her  head in and shut up... because, for the first time in so long, I feel positive. Actually positive. And cheerful. Strangely high in fact.

So what does this mean? Is the Decapeptyl actually making me feel better?!  Not a side-effect I'm familiar with...  Am I just ridiculously over-excited to have started this IVF cycle after waiting what seems like such a long time (though I know, in the big scheme of things, we've got here pretty quickly). Have I kidded myself that our odds are better than they really are?!

I don't know and I don't really care. Yesterday after my acupuncture session with Dr F, we were discussing my current warm, fuzziness and he said 'This cycle is going to be awesome' (did I mention he's from California?!) 'and then you can name the little guy after me!'

And, apart from thinking that Dr F is kind of a weird name for a baby, I thought about it... a baby, with a name and a pushchair and me pushing it and it felt great. I didn't get emotional, my eyes didn't well up (my usual response to such an image) and I thought 'Why not?!... Why not me?  Why not this time?'

Of course, I still know the odds and I still know there's a better chance of it not working this time than it working. But I'm allowing myself to think positive for the first time, possibly since we began this IF journey, and it feels good :)

* Please do not hold this post against me when the drugs kick in and I'm sobbing on your virtual shoulders in the coming weeks ;)


  1. I'm so glad you're feeling good about things. I've been allowing myself to be more positive the last few days, but then I start feeling paranoid about it.

    I really hope that this is the cycle for you.

  2. Great that you're feeling so positive and can imagine your little one :)) Here whenever you need a shoulder - don't worry I'm sure you'll feel the drugs soon but great that they haven't caused s/e's so far xoxo

  3. Feeling positive and relaxed is one of the best things you could be doing right now...I have seen many bloggers get pregnant on their first IVF attempt. WHY NOT YOU exactly! I really hope this is it for you! (by the way, you can prevent much of the stinging by swirling the meds rather than shaking them)

  4. I'm glad you're feeling good. I find cycling weirdly exciting also. Sometimes it DOES work. Why not this time? Best of luck moving forward.

  5. I had so many ups and downs but am proof it can happen on the first attempt! It can happen for you too... and the positive attitude helps! So excited for you!

  6. Thanks everyone.. still feeling good :) Miss Mac - your good news really helped with my positivity - so happy for you.

    Maddy - thanks for the tip but so far I'm not swirling or shaking.. my Decapeptyl comes ready prepared in cute little glass syringes!