Today has been a strange day so far. I woke up freaking out about our 6 week scan this morning and actually started crying during the 3 minute walk to the clinic. I tried to explain to my Bloke that, despite our 'success' so far, I will still be worried, at least until we get to the 2nd trimester. He didn't really get it, as I'd anticipated. He said that we have to think positive and if something does go wrong, we'll try again. Needless to say, at that point, that was not what I wanted to hear! I pulled myself together a little and we made it to the clinic.
And the scan went well. But I feel like 'well' describes it perfectly.. it wasn't amazing or mind-blowing or life-changing. I could barely see anything. I saw a black circle surrounded by a white ring. We couldn't see anything inside it, but the Doctor was perfectly happy. She said they only see heartbeats 50% of the time this early on and, in some ways, I'm not surprised... the ultrasound machine doesn't seem to be as high resolution as others, judging by the photo she gave me and those I've seen on other's blogs. So, when I should be over the moon at the implantation being in the right place and that the Doctor is now weaning me off the progesterone and other meds, so must be happy with my progress, all I can think about is that I wish I could be one of the 50% who could see a heartbeat. How ungrateful and wrong is that?!
Our next ultrasound is in just over a week, by which time I'll be 7 weeks 3 days. Until I see that baby in there with a heartbeat, I still can't relax completely. When will this start getting easier?
Ah, sorry that the equipment didn't seem to be up-to-date enough to give you more information and a possible heartbeat. But still glad that the sac is in the right place (and from what you described you saw both gestational and yolk sac?) - hope next week's scan will bring you more confirmation that everything is going as planned and that you can relax a bit.
ReplyDeleteI can relate very well to your feeling of anxiety (or at least not being able to relax just yet), I had that a lot during my first pregnancy after IVF#1, but I must say that this time it is easier (although I did have a nightmare about a blighted ovum, but that was probably because I had googled it too much). Hope you'll be able to enjoy your pregnancy really soon!
It's completely understandable that you can't relax until you hear the heartbeat. It's disappointing but it is still really early and as you say the equipment isn't that sensitive.
ReplyDeleteAs you said yesterday, at least you don't have to wait 12 weeks!
Oh - it is just crazy how they do things here. But good news you saw the sac! And it will get easier for sure. Your feelings are so normal, don't feel bad about that. Try and enjoy this time as much you can!
ReplyDeleteI am there with you. My hubby and I left and he said..well..that was not as dramatic as I thought it would be. I could complain about this for a while too..but bottom line: we are pregnant! yay us!!! I think the hormones have got me into demon world! I am so emotional I am bothered by myself. Do you feel this way too?
ReplyDeleteSorry about my slow commenting... MIA and not been at my computer much :( Happy birthday for the other day... hope you had a lovely celebration :)) This roller-coaster is a nightmare.... wish for you that you were in the 50% that see a heartbeat but great that your doctor is happy and that you get another US in a week. I wish I could say that it'll get easier... and that pregnancy was shorter. Look after yourself and bub... love to you both always xoxo
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ReplyDeleteSorry, v badly worded, am tired. Just wanted to say I felt the same way, even with flicker of heart beat on screen (at 6.5). my clinic use the same equipment from the sounds of it so no photos or anything. DH didn't even get to see. No tears, no drama. You are the first person who has described it in a way I can relate to. I'm glad it sounds all is going well (disappointing to be in the other 50% though) but all good signs and happy Drs and not long until next scan for you. Hope you getting some rest x
ReplyDeleteEverything being in the right place is yet another milestone to celebrate! But I can understand because I've worried before every ultrasound and only recently have I started to gain more confidence that everything is going to be okay. Hang in there until the next scan and next milestone!!!
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