Today has been a strange day so far. I woke up freaking out about our 6 week scan this morning and actually started crying during the 3 minute walk to the clinic. I tried to explain to my Bloke that, despite our 'success' so far, I will still be worried, at least until we get to the 2nd trimester. He didn't really get it, as I'd anticipated. He said that we have to think positive and if something does go wrong, we'll try again. Needless to say, at that point, that was not what I wanted to hear! I pulled myself together a little and we made it to the clinic.
And the scan went well. But I feel like 'well' describes it perfectly.. it wasn't amazing or mind-blowing or life-changing. I could barely see anything. I saw a black circle surrounded by a white ring. We couldn't see anything inside it, but the Doctor was perfectly happy. She said they only see heartbeats 50% of the time this early on and, in some ways, I'm not surprised... the ultrasound machine doesn't seem to be as high resolution as others, judging by the photo she gave me and those I've seen on other's blogs. So, when I should be over the moon at the implantation being in the right place and that the Doctor is now weaning me off the progesterone and other meds, so must be happy with my progress, all I can think about is that I wish I could be one of the 50% who could see a heartbeat. How ungrateful and wrong is that?!
Our next ultrasound is in just over a week, by which time I'll be 7 weeks 3 days. Until I see that baby in there with a heartbeat, I still can't relax completely. When will this start getting easier?