Saturday, 28 May 2011

Hormones from hell...

After re-reading my last post and reflecting on my behaviour overall yesterday, it's become clear that it was not a good day for me yesterday! After the ultrasound I spent the rest of the day (till mid-afternoon at least when we went to the cinema) either in tears or really angry and snapping at my Bloke. He didn't know what to say that wouldn't make me cry or get angry, so didn't say anything. This just got me more frustrated because, somehow, I wanted him to be able to make all my worries and concerns disappear and he just couldn't and can't.

Once we'd watched a fun movie (including a little nap for me), I did feel better and I'm feeling better again today. I'm still disappointed that we couldn't see more on our scan, particularly seeing some of the other blogger's pictures that are at around the same stage as us. But I am trying to be positive, take solace in how happy the Doctor seemed yesterday - to be honest, she looked more excited than either of us! - and try to 'believe' that everything is fine until someone says it isn't, which may never, and hopefully will never, happen.

I'm also glad that my post rung true for a few of you yesterday. As always, you reassure me that I am not alone and my feelings are not so very strange. I'm hoping that yesterday's outbursts were partly pregnancy hormones, but I know they were stress-linked as well. In some ways, I wish I had more symptoms to reassure me, but I recently realised that I am still going to acupuncture designed to relieve symptoms!  I guess that's about as logical as I get right now! I'm still feeling very hungry, pretty often. My Bloke described it as 'hungry to the point of distraction' meaning that I can't do anything or think about anything else until I've eaten. I also feel a bit nauseous if I get hungry. I'm hoping this is a good sign though I always wonder about it being 'imagined'...

This morning I went to the ER as usual for my Sunday morning shot. The nurse who speaks English was on duty and remembered me from previous visits. She asked if I was having all these shots to keep my pregnancy. Then she said 'You tolerate a lot of pain to have a baby'. And for a moment, I felt maybe a little proud or maybe just pleased to have someone acknowledge all that I'm going through (and that so many of us are going through) and I thought - Yes, I am and every shot and scan and poke and prod is worth it. :)


  1. So many people tell me, and I sincerely believe, that when you are on the other side of infertility none of this matters anymore and the heartache is gone. So I agree, if I have to get every shot, scan, and poke available to get to the other side, bring it on. Stay strong!

  2. It's so hard to find a balance between getting support online from others at a similar stage without 'comparing notes', listening to Drs, leaning on partner etc. I know my scans look nothing like other peoples either (so I have steered clear of looking). Some days it's hard to feel reassured. You're absolutely right to blame your hormones. It's impossible to be rational sometimes, I find. The one thing that seems to ring true in all I've read is that for most people it gets easier as things progress. Look after yourself x

  3. Hormones amplify every emotion... and I can completely understand you wanting to see your little ones heartbeat but not long now until your next US. Hunger is a great symptom... that just gets worse over your pregnancy. You're so right.... everything is worth it for our future little ones. Love always xoxo

    PS. I'm going to take my blog private in a week or so... and would love to keep sharing my journey with you. Email me on for me to add your email to my list xoxo

  4. Sorry it has taken me so long to comment. For what my opinion is worth, I think you are doing very well with everything. Everything you are describing is typical post-IF pregnancy thoughts and feelings. We know so much about everything that can go wrong, when it is likely to go wrong, what scans may/should look like at each step of the way, etc., that I think it is unrealistic to think that we wouldn't be more stressed and worried than someone without all of that knowledge. I'm struggling to remind myself that for all of the bad things that could happen, the odds are always on the side of things working out just fine. I'm sorry you didn't get to see the heartbeat at your first scan, but I'm so excited for you that you still have that experience to look forward to.

  5. Sometimes I think this community might keep me too aware of all things that can go wrong in a pregnancy. But it's totally normal to be anxious when you fought so hard for this little one. We all need that recognition at some point.