Where to begin? A new country, perhaps?!

It's been a while since my last post so I thought I'd better  stop being so lazy and reassure a few of you who've been asking that I'm still here and all is fine :)

And 'here' is now South Korea! My Bloke and I have been here a couple of weeks and it's gone really quickly and, so far, really smoothly. The move seems to have helped me relax as far as this pregnancy goes - it seems to have been the new start that I needed, which is rather counter-intuitive when moving house (let alone country) is supposed to be one of the most stressful life events, along with bereavement and divorce. But then, I don't think fertility treatment has it's rightful place on that list yet, and to me an international move seems like childs-play compared to that!

So, this new state of calm, along with my increasingly large belly is helping me to accept that this pregnancy is real and (still hopefully, but in all likelihood) will end with a baby, our baby. Talking of my belly, it is getting more and more obvious that I'm pregnant rather than chubby, depending on what outfit I wear - I'm currently favouring maternity pants and tops that seem to hug my belly and make it more obvious... after waiting so long for this bump, I am milking it for all it's worth quite shamelessly :).

One 'first' this week (there were a few) was getting offered a seat on the metro for the first time. The people here are generally very polite and good about standing up to let older people, pregnant women and mothers carrying children sit down... this time, an older lady stopped a younger girl sitting in a vacant seat on a packed train to allow me to sit down - my saviour!

Because the only downside of the my current state of health is my ongoing back/hip problems. The pain that started at 12 weeks has continued and is really no better, plus I now have a line of hard lumps/nodules along the sides of my back and round to my hips. The whole thing is really slowing me down in my exploration of my new home - walking for 15 minutes leaves me sore and standing for 30 minutes leaves me feeling faint and in need of a lie down. I'm also still struggling with sleep because turning over is painful unless I lift my butt and try not to let my hips touch the bed. An assortment of pillows is helping, but is not ideal. I saw a physio before leaving China and he gave me some strengthening exercises and talked a lot about how the muscles compensate for any instability in the pelvis caused by ligament loosening/stretching, which I'm more prone to because I have hypermobile joints. But he also said there is no sign of instability in my joints at the moment... I never really felt that I got a solid diagnosis but I only saw him twice before moving, so figured I'd get a more definitive answer here... once I work out which kind of Doctor I need to see - a physio, chiropractor or acupuncturist?.... but that's a post for another day!

But, to end on a positive note, all is generally great. I gave in and bought a fetal doppler and enjoy listening to the little one's heartbeat every few days or so (I have managed to avoid obsession so far!). He seems to be wriggling around a lot so sometimes it's harder to find than others, but hopefully that means I might start to feel some of those wriggles and kicks soon :)

Thanks to those that were asking after me and sorry for my absence in commenting on your blogs... I will make more effort to keep up to date from now on (though there might be another lull when we move into our new home until I get internet connected and/or work out how to change my new phone into English and update from there!). xx

Starting to feel real :)

Yesterday's OB appointment was a strange, but very joyful experience. I realised that I had not been back to my 'regular' expat hospital since having my HSG and pelvic MRI there about 18 months ago. I opted to have my lap/hyst surgery at a different hospital because of the reputation of the surgeon there and I luckily haven't had any other health issues in the meantime (discounting infertility!).

As I was ushered into the nurse's room for the pre-appt questions and basic checks, I remembered all the times I'd sat there saying that my period was (very) late, but I wasn't pregnant. I remembered all the times the nurses would look enthusiastic and hopeful and say 'Well, you never know!' and then make me take another pregnancy test, just to tell me it was negative. I remembered crying as I told more than one Doctor how long we'd been trying to get pregnant and receiving a variety of answers, including the ever-helpful 'Relax and it'll happen'.

Yesterday was different. The nurse asked why I wanted to see the OB/GYN... 'Just a check-up?' and I got to say those words that still felt fraudulent 'Well, I'm pregnant!'. I got to soak in the congratulations, followed by a concerned frown when I said it was via IVF. Not sure why this was.. maybe they just don't get many IVF patients there. This theory is backed up by the nurse shouting out 'IVF, IVF' several times to the Doctor as she picked up my chart from outside the consultation room I was waiting in!

Anyway, the Doctor was nice. She is German and has the stereotypical brusque nature of this nation, but I appreciate someone who gets to the point and she was kind and listened to me which is all I ask. Before I had time to argue that I didn't want a dozen blood tests and an internal exam after having them so many times at the clinic, she pre-empted me and said she saw no need to repeat all those tests after I'd already been through so much... I was in love with her by now! (Especially as it's a private hospital and I worry about them tacking on extra tests just to make some extra cash.)  She just checked my belly, asked a few questions, explained about the pre-natal tests and got me into the ultrasound room.

I then had my first abdominal ultrasound! It was so ridiculously exciting, not to have to take my pants off... does that make me weird?!  The picture wasn't super clear, but there was definitely a more baby-shaped baby in there! The little one looked more like a baby with a heartbeat, as opposed to a heart attached to a blob!  He/she was also measuring spot-on, at 8 weeks + 5.  The highlight though was hearing the heartbeat. It brought a joyful tear to my eye which I'm sure would have progressed to full-on blubbing, except the technician moved on very quickly, so I was able to recover!

It really was amazing and the combination of that and all the above is finally making this sink in and I'm finally beginning to feel like a real (dare I say, normal?!) pregnant woman. Of course, I know there is still a long way to go and the topic of pre-natal testing is hanging around in the wings, waiting for my Bloke and I to discuss it this weekend. But all in all, yesterday was a good day!

Hooray for a heartbeat!

As you can guess from the title, it was good news at today's 7wk 3day scan! After a tortuous hour-long wait at the clinic, I was into those stirrups in a flash once my name was called and my Bloke assumed his position at my side. As soon as the Doctor got the dildocam in, there was a clear difference from the last scan at 6 weeks. The gestational sac was bigger and you could clearly see something inside it, whereas last time I couldn't see anything at all. The Doc pointed out the heartbeat and it was easy to see and flickering away nicely.. oh, the relief! It seems that they don't do any measurements at this stage at my clinic (yet again.. surprise, surprise - things are done differently here in China!) so there was no measuring of baby or heartbeat rate or any of that. She didn't point out the yolk sac and fetal pole that others have talked about, but said everything looked good.

She then 'discharged' me after giving me my instructions on how to reduce my progesterone shots and other meds over the next 2 weeks. Of course, for the time-being, I'll still be going back there every day to get my shots, so I won't be free of the place for a while yet. But I know this is a milestone and an exciting one!  Knowing myself,  I will probably worry a little when I finally stop those progesterone shots at about 9 and a half weeks, but generally I am feeling much more relaxed than I have been recently.  It's time that I accept that this is happening. I am pregnant. And although it's still early days, I need to start being positive in my actions as well as my thoughts. For me, this means finally buying that pregnancy book and looking in the local maternity stores for belly bands. I know I'll still feel a bit of a fraud in a maternity-wear store, but maybe getting in there and making some purchases will help change that :)

1st ultrasound

Today has been a strange day so far. I woke up freaking out about our 6 week scan this morning and actually started crying during the 3 minute walk to the clinic. I tried to explain to my Bloke that, despite our 'success' so far, I will still be worried, at least until we get to the 2nd trimester. He didn't really get it, as I'd anticipated. He said that we have to think positive and if something does go wrong, we'll try again. Needless to say, at that point, that was not what I wanted to hear!  I pulled myself together a little and we made it to the clinic.

And the scan went well. But I feel like 'well' describes it perfectly.. it wasn't amazing or mind-blowing or life-changing. I could barely see anything. I saw a black circle surrounded by a white ring. We couldn't see anything inside it, but the Doctor was perfectly happy. She said they only see heartbeats 50% of the time this early on and, in some ways, I'm not surprised... the ultrasound machine doesn't seem to be as high resolution as others, judging by the photo she gave me and those I've seen on other's blogs. So, when I should be over the moon at the implantation being in the right place and that the Doctor is now weaning me off the progesterone and other meds, so must be happy with my progress, all I can think about is that I wish I could be one of the 50% who could see a heartbeat. How ungrateful and wrong is that?!

Our next ultrasound is in just over a week, by which time I'll be 7 weeks 3 days. Until I see that baby in there with a heartbeat, I still can't relax completely. When will this start getting easier?