Halfway house...

I'm 5 days down with 5 more to go before my beta hcg blood test and I'm in a weird state of limbo. I haven't been blogging daily because there's nothing for me to say!  I feel fine. Great, in fact. I feel back to normal, as if I've not been through IVF at all (except perhaps for a little extra weight around my middle because of lack of exercise).

Which is weird, right? I'm so used to cycles that lead to nothing, whether natural or IUI, that it feels like I'm back there again.  Not in a particularly negative way, just in a 'well, that's done and out of the way - what's next?' kind of way.

I spent the first 3 days after transfer at home, taking it easy. I only went out to get my progesterone shots at the clinic or emergency room. Friends came over and I kept myself busy with TV, books and some of my planned time-filling projects. Unfortunately my Bloke had to be in Seoul for work so I was a bit lonely, but generally I've been doing fine. I don't feel any symptoms.. the progesterone seems to be slowing down my digestion, but I've found ways to deal with that. So I feel normal. As normal as it's possible to feel when you're a week away from immense joy or huge disappointment.

So, like this blog post, the whole experience is seriously underwhelming!  In some ways, I know this is good. I feel calmer than I have during my IUI cycle 2wws. I'm not symptom-spotting and am trying to stick to my mantra 'Nothing means anything'. This is not a depressing, fatalistic, pessimistic mantra.. it's what I've tried to live by when driving myself crazy during other 2wws and applies even more now. Basically, any 'symptoms' I do experience could be due to the meds I'm on and, in all probability, I wouldn't experience any symptoms at such an early stage, even with a positive result. So, no symptoms don't mean anything bad, anymore than a possibly imagined symptom means anything good. Does that make sense?  And I know there are women out there who do experience very early pregnancy signs and I would love to be one of them, but I'm not counting on it.

The week ahead is near-filled with fun things to do.. lunches, picnics and visits to friends. This will be the first time I've seen most people since announcing our move to Korea, so conversations should be filled with that topic. Hopefully, these will help me maintain some sense of calm and stop any potential obsessing in it's tracks. Hopefully.... ;)