Twiddling my thumbs...

I hope this title crosses the language/cultural barriers of my readers! But basically, this weekend is the first since finding out that I'm pregnant that I haven't had some major milestone appointment to occupy, worry and eventually, reassure me. 2 beta tests and 2 ultrasounds down and I have a weekend free of the rollercoaster of anticipation and panic, followed by relief and happiness. Of course, this doesn't mean that I can't manufacture my own rollercoaster to replace it. After pretty consistent morning sickness for the last 2 weeks, I have been feeling much better since Friday. The joy of not feeling sick is quickly replaced with the worry of symptoms waxing and waning and what that means (probably nothing in my most logical moments).

As for other symptoms, I'm still experiencing dizziness quite often, though that horrible near-fainting episode has not been repeated, thank goodness. I also seem to be randomly developing small patches of spider veins (or spider navi to give them their technical term - sounds like something out of Avatar to me) on my face. Thursday brought a small patch under an eyebrow which was odd, but I thought nothing of it. Only yesterday when I spotted a patch under my chin did I connect the dots (not literally, though that would have been quite fun) and realise that these could be the spider veins mentioned in my new, fabulous pregnancy book.  My Mum claims that she never got them during any of her 4 pregnancies even though they can be genetic. From my reading, it makes sense that they are linked to the change in my blood flow due to the demands of the baby, which is also bringing the dizziness. My Bloke is calling the baby a 'greedy bugger' for taking so much of my blood! (I should mention here that the baby will always be a boy to my Bloke until he has physical evidence to the contrary!).

This post is in danger of drifting into nothingness... basically, my symptoms are coming and going a bit and I still find that stressful. I have my first OB appointment on Thursday and, after thinking that I had mastered this positive thinking and didn't need the reassurance of extra ultrasounds, I'm now planning to ask for one if it's not offered. At 8 weeks and 4 days, there should be interesting stuff to see :)

I still feel in a weird kind of limbo - partly because I still haven't really accepted that there is a new life growing inside me. Also, because our move to Korea is on hold until the end of the 1st trimester, I feel like I'm treading water till we get to that point. Consequently I seem to be spending a lot of time on the sofa, watching bad TV. This is fine most of the time, but kind of embarrassing when our twice-weekly cleaner comes round and I let her clean around me! Though I think she's spotted the pregnancy book with the big naked belly on the front, so I hope she's cutting me some slack!

Another week down...

Tomorrow morning will be our 2nd scan, at just over 7 weeks and it's a big one. This is the one where we need to see the heartbeat to know that everything is OK - I've read the odd story that says some people only see a heartbeat at 8 weeks but I think that's rare and I can't imagine another week of limbo if things don't go well tomorrow.  Generally I've handled this week better than last and am feeling calmer than before our first scan. That's not to say that there haven't been bad days.. I cried over mani/pedis with my best friend here in Shanghai as I told her about the 6 week scan and how hard I am finding the uncertainty of pregnancy after IF. God knows what the salon girls thought but their English wasn't every good, so hopefully they didn't know what we were talking about!

I also managed to spoil a good part of yesterday, one of the two precious days a week that my Bloke and I get together, by crying and getting angry with him.. I'm not even sure why now, but I know I had a good reason at the time! I think it was generally about him not seeming as interested in this pregnancy as I would like. Which I know is ridiculous because, when I'm having trouble accepting that it's real and these changes are happening to my body, how can I expect him to have really absorbed it yet?! I've also always known that it will only really be when he sees and holds our baby that he 'gets it', but I still can't help making the odd dig and jibe at him. Anyway, I'm sure there'll be time for another post on how I take out all my hormones on my Bloke on a regular basis so, for now, I'll leave that topic there!

Physically this week has been an interesting one. There have been definite bouts of morning sickness, though mostly not in the mornings. Mine are definitely linked to hunger. I am still ridiculously hungry, virtually all the time and find that, if I don't eat the moment I feel hungry, I feel really nauseous until I do eat. Lunchtimes have been the worst, though it has happened in the morning and evenings as well. I am also being very picky about what I eat.. I have been mostly eating chicken and potatoes/rice this week in a variety of combinations! I have also ordered takeaway a couple of times because I'm sick of trying to work out what to eat and cook it myself. Oh, that reminds me... one of the things that sparked off my fit at my Bloke... him saying that he didn't mind not going out to dinner if I didn't feel like it because he has to eat out all week in Seoul. Great, I said.. he could cook us something :) The response of 'I'm not spending my time cooking!' didn't go down very well and initiated many complaints about how he should want to take care of me at the weekends because he's away all week and I have to do everything myself whilst feeling sick. Ah, what memories!

Besides the nausea, I've also been having a few little twinges at the sides of my belly in the last couple of days. I'm hoping that this is my uterus stretching and making room for the little one. I'm also hoping that all these things combined might indicate a little growth spurt and give us something 'real' to see tomorrow at the scan. Fingers crossed!