Sunday, 1 September 2013

Back to normal?

Firstly, thanks for the lovely messages of support after my last, very brief, post. I didn't intend to be dramatic with that non-post - at that point of time I wasn't feeling too bad, but mostly because I wasn't really ready to face my feelings.

I POAS at home early Saturday and my Bloke and I looked at it together. I didn't exactly expect a positive, but I was still somehow surprised to see no trace of a test line. It was almost like I was expecting to at least be a little bit pregnant!

There was no chance of going back to sleep, so we went out fairly early to a fun Kids cafe. Baby B had a great time and I counted my blessings. I called the clinic later and they confirmed the negative result. My last little bit of hope dissolved.

Sunday was tough. Tears came and went (don't get me wrong, there were plenty on Saturday too). I sent a couple of emails telling people the news. Every time I had to write it, it became a little more real.

But as I write this, I realize I still don't really know how I feel. I think I'm numb. Disappointed, yes. Stunned maybe. And still nursing that feeling that the last month didn't really happen. I'm trying my hardest to stay in the moment and stay thankful for the life we have. Thinking about the life that might have been is just too hard right now.