Tuesday, 8 March 2011

What should I do?!

I just ignored 2 phone calls.. they were from a woman who's the wife of someone on my bloke's football team. On NYE 2008-9, I more or less told her (under the influence of a few cocktails - oh, those heady days when I didn't think a few drinks would affect anything...) that we had started ttc. 2 years ago this week, we were at a black-tie event together, her bloke was back from an extended trip overseas and she more or less told me that they were going to start ttc.  You know what's coming now, don't you?

I can't remember the dates but they had a little boy a while ago.. maybe he's a year or older? Anyway, given that she's quite a lot older than me, it seemed to happen pretty damn quickly.

I haven't seen her in 2 years. We were never friends, just acquaintances - she's been staying in a lot since she had the baby and I've been studiously avoiding my bloke's football socials so I don't risk running into her. But there's a chance I'll see her (and the baby) this weekend at an event I'm going to as a way of getting out of another event that I don't want to go to (don't ask - well you can if you like but it's a long, boring story - unlike the rest of this blog!). So why is she calling? What does she want? What is she going to say or ask? And what do I say?

And what do I do now? Do I call back? Do I send her a cheery text message? 'Sorry, I missed your call :)' etc, etc.. Do I pretend I don't have her number anymore so I don't know who called me? That sounds like a good option right now..

And if I see her this weekend? I'm thinking I can probably avoid the ttc topic by blatantly pretending we never discussed it...

Her: How are you?

Me: I'm great, how are you?

Her: Fabulous, love being a mum, blah, blah, blah... And you? I mean, are you... you know?  I mean, you said...

Me: Yes, I'm great. Oh look, there's so-and-so that I don't really know, but suddenly really want to talk to... bye!

What do you think?

Oh, god, just thought of another possibility..

Her: How are you?

Me: I'm great, how are you?

Her: Fabulous, love being a mum, blah, blah, blah... Actually, I'm pregnant again..

Me: .....

Oh crap :(


  1. Take your courage in your hands and call her, that way you will be armed with info to make an informed decision about Sat and whether you go - or you come down with a sudden, highly infectious bug - on the telephone no-one can see your face - just have a doorbell or mobile ready to go if things get tricky to get you out of the conversation quickly. Re the ttc question, if she is crass enough to bring it up, just say you both decided that there was plenty of time for all that and you both wanted to enjoy your time in China together - I don't think it would occur to her that you would go down the treatment route out there.

    She could be asking a really simple question about a good restaurant or something and then you will kick yourself for letting this get the better of you - go into battle, I say - but go armed.


  2. Oh, I don't know. But wouldn't it be more awkward if you meet without talking first, I mean because she tried to reach you. And I'm with Kate here, you don't need to tell her your story if you don't feel like it. That's private and totally up to you.
    Good luck!

  3. I'm with Kate and Cattiz J... probably better to speak before Saturday but only say what you feel comfortable with saying xoxo

  4. Yes, good advice. Get the phone call out of the way. You may find she has a predicament that she needs your help with. I often run through potential conversations in my head, assuming people will ask me about TTC but 9/10 they don't.

    It's good to be prepared though, as the other ladies suggest.
    Just to say...one problem I found about telling people we are no hurry to TTC is people either gush about how wonderful Motherhood is to try to tempt you or give you negative stories about people who wait to long. I look a little younger than my years (from a distance) but as I'm now 35 I find I can't bring myself to use the 'plenty of time for that' excuse or even to pretend that we are taking a relaxed wait and see approach (last time I heard all the details of someone's IVF cycles and eventual pregnancy and how if there's a problem it's better to know now)...really? shock me?

  5. Looks like a unanimous vote - call the woman. I hope she doesn't have "great news" to tell you, but if so then it's better to hear over the phone.

  6. I would agree with the others. It SUCKS more than anything to have someone tell you they are pregnant, and then go on and on about how wonderful it is. We all know it. But maybe there is actually a reason she is calling. So if you can find the strength, try to give her a call and just see what's up. You can always make up an excuse and have to get off the phone if it doesn't go the way you want. Good luck!!!
    ~ A

  7. Thanks everyone.. Of course, I know I should have just answered the phone or called her back straight away but I just froze. She isn't a friend - I've only met her about 3 times, I haven't seen or spoken to her in 2 years so it just took me by surprise.
    Now I'm in a hole because it seems too late to call her! How could I explain that I waited 3 days after getting her missed call?! I know it's not the right thing to do but I might go for the ostrich approach and just do nothing - if I see her on Saturday I could pretend my phone was playing up and I didn't know it was her call... I know it's not the best option but I think I've backed myself into a corner. Oops!