What should I do?!

I just ignored 2 phone calls.. they were from a woman who's the wife of someone on my bloke's football team. On NYE 2008-9, I more or less told her (under the influence of a few cocktails - oh, those heady days when I didn't think a few drinks would affect anything...) that we had started ttc. 2 years ago this week, we were at a black-tie event together, her bloke was back from an extended trip overseas and she more or less told me that they were going to start ttc.  You know what's coming now, don't you?

I can't remember the dates but they had a little boy a while ago.. maybe he's a year or older? Anyway, given that she's quite a lot older than me, it seemed to happen pretty damn quickly.

I haven't seen her in 2 years. We were never friends, just acquaintances - she's been staying in a lot since she had the baby and I've been studiously avoiding my bloke's football socials so I don't risk running into her. But there's a chance I'll see her (and the baby) this weekend at an event I'm going to as a way of getting out of another event that I don't want to go to (don't ask - well you can if you like but it's a long, boring story - unlike the rest of this blog!). So why is she calling? What does she want? What is she going to say or ask? And what do I say?

And what do I do now? Do I call back? Do I send her a cheery text message? 'Sorry, I missed your call :)' etc, etc.. Do I pretend I don't have her number anymore so I don't know who called me? That sounds like a good option right now..

And if I see her this weekend? I'm thinking I can probably avoid the ttc topic by blatantly pretending we never discussed it...

Her: How are you?


Me: I'm great, how are you?


Her: Fabulous, love being a mum, blah, blah, blah... And you? I mean, are you... you know?  I mean, you said...


Me: Yes, I'm great. Oh look, there's so-and-so that I don't really know, but suddenly really want to talk to... bye!


What do you think?

Oh, god, just thought of another possibility..

Her: How are you?

Me: I'm great, how are you?

Her: Fabulous, love being a mum, blah, blah, blah... Actually, I'm pregnant again..

Me: .....

Oh crap :(

I'll get by with a little help from my (infertile) friends.

As previously mentioned, I've been lucky enough to find friends here in China that are also going through fertility treatment. In fact, the word 'lucky' doesn't really go anywhere close to expressing how thankful I am to have found these women.

When my bloke and I found out that he had male factor problems and my status was still up in the air, I was not in a good place emotionally (did that really need saying?!). I had no idea what to do. After one disastrous clinic visit, I was close to breaking point. There is no real English-language information about fertility clinics here and my Western Dr was not very helpful. I couldn't call up the local clinics and get information because none of the nurses speak English. I found a thread on an expat forum discussing where to go for fertility treatment, but the last post was months old. I posted a message anyway.

Within a couple of weeks, I'd heard from 2 expat women considering or having treatment who were happy to meet me and share their stories, knowledge and experience. One of them literally talked me through the entire experience of registering at my local clinic... actually step by step - 'At the main entrance turn left and walk to the desk. Then turn right and take the 2nd elevator on the left...'  Without this information and help, I'm not sure how I would've moved forward.

But that's not really what this post was going to be about. Through these initial 2 contacts and the expat website, I've met a few other women going through this experience. Some have left China, some have drifted away, but the rest are now good friends. Two are now 5 months pregnant - one through IVF, one through a miraculous natural conception. This week, I had lunch with some of these friends and felt such relief at being able to talk openly and frankly about our infertility. How nice it is not to have to worry about embarrassing a fertile friend by 'oversharing' or scaring a ttc friend by talking about the pain, expense and emotional rollercoaster that is fertility treatment.

Yes, it should have been weird to meet a complete stranger and be talking about our husbands' poor motility or our weirdly-shaped uteri (?!) within 5 minutes, but it wasn't. And strangely, I've never cried on these friends, though I've sobbed on just about all the other people I've told and I know they would understand if I did. There's no logic to it and it hasn't been a conscious decision but for some reason, the tears don't come and that makes a pleasant change for me!

Of course, these 'real-life' friends are not my only support. There are the friends I have met online and who I feel just as grateful to have found. There is something so freeing about sharing feelings and experiences with those who you may never meet, but you know can empathise just as much as if you saw them every day.

So thank you to all my friends! Thank you for understanding when I'm an green-eyed, bump-envying bitch. Thank you for empathising when I'm complaining about my age. Thank you for being there in the dark moments when the path ahead is so scary and unclear. Thank you xx