I really don't know the real 'message' of this post. I'd intended to write today about the 2ww and how difficult I've been finding this one in particular. Then this morning I had weird half-dreams about taking pregnancy tests, cramping and stuff. I awoke to 'real' cramping and spotting and I'm only 11dpiui. Obviously I was gutted. I decided to POAS just to make the reality 'stick' and of course, it was BFN.
So this post should be about that BFN and how it feels to know our last IUI is over and preparing for the move to IVF. But, as usual, I can't let it drop. I've been Googling 'implantation spotting/cramping' in 100 different combinations all morning. It's not the first time I've done this and, I know that, until my period starts for real, I won't be able to let that hope go. Also, I'm having strange, very localised twinges over my right ovary region which are unusual for me, so that is fuelling the fire of my fevered imagination.
I 'know' this cycle is over somewhere inside me, but it's going to take a little while to sink in. I've only cried a little today.. once when I told bloke by SMS and he replied with a lovely message, but including the evil 'B' word... 'baby'. I can only deal with this process if I think of needles, eggs, sperm and hormones and try not to attach it to that magical goal for which we're aiming, as stupid as that sounds.
So, what is the post about? I hope the title says it all