Who knew?

Today is our wedding anniversary. 4 years of married life. Who knew that it would still be just the 2 of us after so long?

What should I do?!

I just ignored 2 phone calls.. they were from a woman who's the wife of someone on my bloke's football team. On NYE 2008-9, I more or less told her (under the influence of a few cocktails - oh, those heady days when I didn't think a few drinks would affect anything...) that we had started ttc. 2 years ago this week, we were at a black-tie event together, her bloke was back from an extended trip overseas and she more or less told me that they were going to start ttc.  You know what's coming now, don't you?

I can't remember the dates but they had a little boy a while ago.. maybe he's a year or older? Anyway, given that she's quite a lot older than me, it seemed to happen pretty damn quickly.

I haven't seen her in 2 years. We were never friends, just acquaintances - she's been staying in a lot since she had the baby and I've been studiously avoiding my bloke's football socials so I don't risk running into her. But there's a chance I'll see her (and the baby) this weekend at an event I'm going to as a way of getting out of another event that I don't want to go to (don't ask - well you can if you like but it's a long, boring story - unlike the rest of this blog!). So why is she calling? What does she want? What is she going to say or ask? And what do I say?

And what do I do now? Do I call back? Do I send her a cheery text message? 'Sorry, I missed your call :)' etc, etc.. Do I pretend I don't have her number anymore so I don't know who called me? That sounds like a good option right now..

And if I see her this weekend? I'm thinking I can probably avoid the ttc topic by blatantly pretending we never discussed it...

Her: How are you?


Me: I'm great, how are you?


Her: Fabulous, love being a mum, blah, blah, blah... And you? I mean, are you... you know?  I mean, you said...


Me: Yes, I'm great. Oh look, there's so-and-so that I don't really know, but suddenly really want to talk to... bye!


What do you think?

Oh, god, just thought of another possibility..

Her: How are you?

Me: I'm great, how are you?

Her: Fabulous, love being a mum, blah, blah, blah... Actually, I'm pregnant again..

Me: .....

Oh crap :(

The Fertility Diet...China Doll-style

As mentioned in earlier posts, I'm currently on a 2-3 month break from treatment before starting IVF. In that time, I'm exploring other options for improving our fertility and giving us the best chance at IVF, including Traditional Chinese Medicine, primarily acupuncture and herbs. After the trauma and then hilarity of my first appointments with Dr F, he emailed me over the weekend with some promised diet recommendations.  In my last appointment, he recommended 'The Infertility Cure' (which I haven't ordered yet because I think I'll need to get it from the UK or US and the postage is as much as the book itself) and we discussed the Zita West book which I have on Kindle.*  Both include a lot of diet information and recommendations and I've been finding it hard to trawl through, process and put them into practice.

So I was looking forward to Dr F's personalised suggestions.. which are:

• pineapple - apparently it contains bromelain which helps the endometrium and implantation. As it happens, I've been chaining pineapple smoothies since an online Fertility friend recommended it so I'm up to speed on this one :)
• asparagus, black beans, adzuki beans, red beans, mung beans, eggplant, beets, bean sprouts - Ok, the asparagus and bean sprouts I can do although I don't eat them very often, but the rest?... My bloke hates eggplant (aubergine to my UK friends) so this might involve me eating large quantities of Baba Ganoush at lunch times... And the beans?!... I come from a home where I only ate pasta for the first time (not including spaghetti) in my late-teens. I thought my best friend's family were incredibly sophisticated because they regularly ate pasta shells! The only beans that I know how to cook are baked beans. In chili con carne dishes, I pick out the kidney beans because I don't like that mushy texture. I have no idea what to do with these beans and even my frantic Google recipe searching hasn't turned up much for the mung and adzuki varieties). Of course, this hasn't stopped me raiding my imported food supermarkets for all bean varieties I could find (black, red and mung beans so far). And are beets the same as beetroot?
• seaweed - Haven't admitted this one to my bloke yet.. he's from an Irish family and my mother-in-law actually posts him packages of Irish seaweed every year after they've been back home to the Emerald Isle for their summer holiday. I, of course, refuse to eat it... I will never hear the end of this once I tell him...
• shellfish--clams, oysters, mussels - No. Just can't do it.
• yams, pumpkins, pumpkin seeds - What exactly is a yam? Is it the same as a sweet potato? At least the pumpkin seeds are easy to get here in China.. now I just need to perfect the 'shove into the mouth, chew, then spit out the shells' maneuver that the locals have down to a tee.
• cherries, coconut, dates, figs, molasses, berries (as opposed to 'energetically cold' fruits: mango, watermelon, pear, cucumbers) - Berries & cherries, OK, though I'm not sure I've ever eaten an actual fresh cherry - btw, does summer fruit crumble count? I have a fab gluten-free recipe which is delicious :). Dates and figs... will I be able to buy these here in China? And what do I do with them once I have them? Need to look into this further... Molasses - ok now, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that just sugar? What's the difference between that and black treacle? I ask, because I have a jar full of that in the cupboard after a disastrous ginger cookie experiment.
• turnips, watercress, dark leafy greens, potatoes, mushrooms - These seem more doable, once I get round the fact that bloke doesn't like mushrooms. Hopefully I can sneak them in without too much trouble. I don't think I've ever eaten turnip, but I know I can find it here. Not sure about the watercress, but I've already expand my dark, leafy green intake with my first purchase of Chinese kale and baby Swiss Chard yesterday (added to a chicken stir fry and used as salad leaves on a sandwich respectively... very nice).

I think it's worth remembering here that I'm already under diet restriction due to my Coeliac disease .. apparently my new TCM diet also needs me to cut out refined sugars and carbs, but at least that's easier because I can't eat most of them anyway. Though I am mourning the loss of my gluten-free baking/desserts which seem to use huge quantities of sugar and butter to compensate for the gluten-free flours :(

So how am I feeling about these suggestions? I guess if I can add any of these things into my current diet, whilst cutting down on white rice and sugars then I'll be moving in the right direction. Will I be able to incorporate all of these things into my diet on a regular basis? It seems unlikely, but I think I can live with that...

*is this coming across as an advert for Amazon? Other online book sellers and e-book readers are available..
PS - all recipe suggestions welcome!

TMI

When did it become OK for me to share the most intimate details of my most intimate body parts with a man I've only known for 2 hours?... well, apart from those university days when a few pints of cider occasionally had that effect, but that's another post...

I found myself in this position during my second acupuncture appointment with Dr F. Luckily there were no tears this time! The appointment started with a review of my week, including a look at my new BBT chart. I was a bit gutted last week when Dr F asked me to begin charting again. I stopped doing it about 6 months ago because it never seemed to show anything clearly and none of the Drs I'd seen had ever shown the slightest interest in my charts, so I figured it was one fertility obsession I could live without. But apparently it's useful for TCM, so I dug out the thermometer, printed off some charts and started again.

Anyway, we reviewed my temperatures and starting talking ovulation days, which inevitably led us to talking CM - cervical mucus, and the quest for that vag gold.* I explained how my temperatures (and out of date OPTs) didn't seem to be matching up with my CM. This started a somewhat detailed discussion of the precise consistency of my CM... was it egg-white or more slippery? Sticky, stretchy or watery? Because, contrary to my beliefs, apparently egg-white days are not peak sperm insertion time, for that we need a more slippery texture (isn't egg white slippery?!). As we debated back and forth whether what I call egg-white, Dr F calls slippery, there was this classic comment:

Dr F: Well, obviously I don't have personal experience of this, but I've seen videos...

Really?! Videos, eh! I wonder exactly what kind of videos he's been watching?  And even if they are legitimate, can you imagine being the women who film their CM for these vital, instructional tools?! Now I thought that measuring my nipples would get strange looks from my bloke, but keeping a video camera in the bathroom to record all the nuances of my CM would likely tip him over the edge. Do these women narrate the videos? Do they have to demonstrate the stickiness/stretchiness/slippiness for the camera? This might make the filming quite difficult, so maybe it's a 2 person job?..

The rest of the appointment continued without incident - at least this time I was suppressing giggles, rather than tears :)


*this is where I read that fabulous term.. not sure which post it originated from.

I'll get by with a little help from my (infertile) friends.

As previously mentioned, I've been lucky enough to find friends here in China that are also going through fertility treatment. In fact, the word 'lucky' doesn't really go anywhere close to expressing how thankful I am to have found these women.

When my bloke and I found out that he had male factor problems and my status was still up in the air, I was not in a good place emotionally (did that really need saying?!). I had no idea what to do. After one disastrous clinic visit, I was close to breaking point. There is no real English-language information about fertility clinics here and my Western Dr was not very helpful. I couldn't call up the local clinics and get information because none of the nurses speak English. I found a thread on an expat forum discussing where to go for fertility treatment, but the last post was months old. I posted a message anyway.

Within a couple of weeks, I'd heard from 2 expat women considering or having treatment who were happy to meet me and share their stories, knowledge and experience. One of them literally talked me through the entire experience of registering at my local clinic... actually step by step - 'At the main entrance turn left and walk to the desk. Then turn right and take the 2nd elevator on the left...'  Without this information and help, I'm not sure how I would've moved forward.

But that's not really what this post was going to be about. Through these initial 2 contacts and the expat website, I've met a few other women going through this experience. Some have left China, some have drifted away, but the rest are now good friends. Two are now 5 months pregnant - one through IVF, one through a miraculous natural conception. This week, I had lunch with some of these friends and felt such relief at being able to talk openly and frankly about our infertility. How nice it is not to have to worry about embarrassing a fertile friend by 'oversharing' or scaring a ttc friend by talking about the pain, expense and emotional rollercoaster that is fertility treatment.

Yes, it should have been weird to meet a complete stranger and be talking about our husbands' poor motility or our weirdly-shaped uteri (?!) within 5 minutes, but it wasn't. And strangely, I've never cried on these friends, though I've sobbed on just about all the other people I've told and I know they would understand if I did. There's no logic to it and it hasn't been a conscious decision but for some reason, the tears don't come and that makes a pleasant change for me!

Of course, these 'real-life' friends are not my only support. There are the friends I have met online and who I feel just as grateful to have found. There is something so freeing about sharing feelings and experiences with those who you may never meet, but you know can empathise just as much as if you saw them every day.

So thank you to all my friends! Thank you for understanding when I'm an green-eyed, bump-envying bitch. Thank you for empathising when I'm complaining about my age. Thank you for being there in the dark moments when the path ahead is so scary and unclear. Thank you xx

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

So I popped into the clinic this week and, after getting over the shock & confusion of the Dr's poor choice of words,  the rest of the 'appointment' was fairly productive.

Good news: I won't need to have the mock transfer/uterus measuring test because of already having 3 IUIs. It seems that they got the data needed during those procedures. I literally raised my arms and cheered in an 'over the line' celebratory gesture when Dr told me this!  I know the test is just one part of the whole IVF process and not that big a deal, but it was just a relief to know it's one less thing to have shoved where the sun don't shine (oh, I'm such a lady...)

Good news: Dr seemed quite understanding and flexible about me wanting to schedule IVF around my holiday at the end of the month. I can pretty much call the shots on when I want to start, which I know is not the case everywhere.

Good news: Dr said it was a good idea for me to have a holiday and 'rest my organs'. I've been resting my ovaries for a couple of months, now it seems my other organs want a break!

Bad news: It's official.. I'm not young :(

Just before this appointment, I had lunch with 2 fertility challenged friends (look out for future post about this) who've both had IVF here. I was picking their brains and asking about their protocols. Although neither of them were that familiar with the different options (Really?! Isn't everyone as anal as me about reading all available info before drilling the clinic with questions?!), it became clear that they'd both had short protocols. We got to talking about long vs. short and how the clinic picks one or the other. I was pretty sure it was related to your FSH level and the number of antral follicles, but my friend said those results were fine for her and it was more to do with her age. Now my friends are 33 (my age) and 35. Young, right? Apparently not. I asked my Dr about my protocol and  he seemed to automatically assume that I'd be on a short protocol, even though my FSH is 'good' and apparently my antral follicle numbers are OK too (would welcome more info on this, if anyone has any). I asked why and he said my age.

Me: So I'm considered old?

Dr: Well, you're not young.


I know some of you will be shaking your heads at my stupidity/naivety here.. 'How can she think she's young at 33?!' But it really came as a bit of a shock.. not really that 33 (nearly 34) is not young as far as IVF and childbearing goes, but more a shock that I am actually nearly 34! I couldn't sleep the other night and I suddenly had this moment of panic... I'm nearly 34! What happened to my 30's?!

I was happy to reach 30... I'd just got married, I was enjoying life, I was looking forward to starting a family and I felt like a grown-up. So where did those 4 years go? Although I have achieved quite a bit professionally in that time (and I am proud of and happy about that), we have achieved so little in terms of moving forward in our family goals.

So, this confirmation from the Dr that I am fast approaching that scary 'Advanced Maternal Age' was a bit of a kick in the teeth.  Anyway, I know that it's not the end of the world and I still feel very young at heart - hence the title of this post.

And what does this mean for our IVF? Well, the Dr conceded that, depending on my hormone profile on CD2, it might not be a clear decision whether to have long or short protocol. It might be more of a choice. So, although I like the idea of a short protocol because, well, it's shorter and you get a result (or not) faster, I've got it into my head that short protocols are the 'poor man's choice' (otherwise known as the old woman's choice) and might not be as likely to work. The Dr sidestepped my question about the relative success rates of the protocols several times, so I'd welcome any information you can offer on this. Is long protocol the 'ideal' and short is used when that isn't possible/feasible? Is one more likely to work than the other?

And, just to finish, a quote I found which seemed to sum things up so well:

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
  

Lost in Translation

Today I had one of those real 'China' moments (all expats.. please feel free to substitute China for any other country where you're not communicating in the same first language as your doctors). I had decided to go back to the clinic and make sure that we are all set for starting IVF at the end of this month. Last visit we had our chromosome blood tests and I was hoping the results would be back - they take about 4 weeks here. I see them as a box to tick and didn't expect any problems. The main reason for my visit was that I'm hoping to be away on a beach for a week at the end of March (semi-free holiday as my bloke is on a business trip) and wanted to know whether we could fit IVF around this or would we need to postpone until April.

The only male doctor was on duty and I've questioned his judgement a bit in the past - mostly because he says things I don't want to hear. But I thought I'd bite my tongue and get the visit out of the way, rather than going back another day.  I got in to see him within about 30 minutes.. I know the quiet times of the clinic now and time my visits accordingly to avoid potential 3 hour waits. He remembered me.. I might have shouted at him a bit last time when he suggested that they should scrape my endometrium, but he didn't seem to be taking it personally and was pretty friendly.  He went off to get the chromosome test results and came back clutching a piece of paper that looked like test results, all in Chinese of course, which he put on the desk between us.

Dr: The test results are not right.

Me: Not right?

Dr: No, not right. I've called another Doctor and I'm waiting for him to call me back.

Me: What do you mean 'Not right'? *(please add high-pitched, slightly maniacal voice here) Can you tell me what the problem is? (as I point at the ominous piece of paper)

Dr: Oh no.. these aren't your results! (as he moves the paper onto his in-tray) They're someone else's. Yours aren't back yet!


Cue huge sigh of relief on my part! It turns out that our results weren't in the computer system yet and he was calling the lab to check on the status of the results. Now I know that this doesn't mean that our test results will be OK, but the relief in finding out that they're NOT not right was immense :)  It seems that our results should be back in a week or so and I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Another post coming later on the rest of the appointment... off to get shouted out by my Boot Camp trainer :)