Friday, 23 December 2011

Green-eyed monster... now, hang on a minute!

This will probably come across as a weird post to write on Christmas Eve, but I guess it's as good a time as any to have an IF revelation. (But I'll keep it short....)

A good friend here in my new city home gave birth to a beautiful baby girl 1 week ago. Her and her husband also had some fertility treatment to achieve and maintain this pregnancy after TTC and miscarriage. I saw them in the week and am over the moon for them and their new family. They have started a photography project to follow baby girl's early days and post a photo of her online each day.

I was just looking at the latest photos and, guess what, I felt jealous... real, stone-cold jealousy that they get to hold and love this gorgeous little girl. The same jealousy that I've felt so many times over the last few years. And I felt this whilst sitting here, 36 weeks pregnant, with a bonny baby boy kicking and wriggling away inside of me.

Don't get me wrong.. I realised what was going on and I.....well....decided to write this post and am now feeling completely back to normal.  But I guess IF never does really go away, does it?


  1. You know, I would have said "sadly no" in the past to your question about infertility going away. And I still feel frustration in the ways that it has changed me. But there are also days that I'm actually thankful for the person it's made me. I don't take a single second with my daughter for granted. I am a better parent because of the journey that got us here. So you're right, it doesn't go away, and sometimes it makes things really hard, but sometimes, its really okay. I hope you find that as well. And soon, you'll be holding your baby and that's all you'll be able to think about for a good while.

  2. I still get those pangs too especially as I near EDD, I feel it acutely for those with newborns, I suppose I thank everyday I'm pregnant but have yet to hold my baby so I still envy those who have reached that place...dunno but interesting u feel this way too x Happy Christmas xxxx

  3. Thanks for the comments... I think for that moment I just forgot that I was pregnant and the old feelings of 'Why can't that be me?' came up. Weird how the mind works, isn't it? xx

  4. I look at every newborn like... really, how does this happen so easily for some- it's hard to believe... even as I look at my own right now. I think we have greater appreciation for the true miracle that each birth is!

  5. It hasn't gone away for me, and I have a four-year-old! I'm still waiting...