This will probably come across as a weird post to write on Christmas Eve, but I guess it's as good a time as any to have an IF revelation. (But I'll keep it short....)
A good friend here in my new city home gave birth to a beautiful baby girl 1 week ago. Her and her husband also had some fertility treatment to achieve and maintain this pregnancy after TTC and miscarriage. I saw them in the week and am over the moon for them and their new family. They have started a photography project to follow baby girl's early days and post a photo of her online each day.
I was just looking at the latest photos and, guess what, I felt jealous... real, stone-cold jealousy that they get to hold and love this gorgeous little girl. The same jealousy that I've felt so many times over the last few years. And I felt this whilst sitting here, 36 weeks pregnant, with a bonny baby boy kicking and wriggling away inside of me.
Don't get me wrong.. I realised what was going on and I.....well....decided to write this post and am now feeling completely back to normal. But I guess IF never does really go away, does it?
You know, I would have said "sadly no" in the past to your question about infertility going away. And I still feel frustration in the ways that it has changed me. But there are also days that I'm actually thankful for the person it's made me. I don't take a single second with my daughter for granted. I am a better parent because of the journey that got us here. So you're right, it doesn't go away, and sometimes it makes things really hard, but sometimes, its really okay. I hope you find that as well. And soon, you'll be holding your baby and that's all you'll be able to think about for a good while.
ReplyDeleteI still get those pangs too especially as I near EDD, I feel it acutely for those with newborns, I suppose I thank everyday I'm pregnant but have yet to hold my baby so I still envy those who have reached that place...dunno but interesting u feel this way too x Happy Christmas xxxx
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments... I think for that moment I just forgot that I was pregnant and the old feelings of 'Why can't that be me?' came up. Weird how the mind works, isn't it? xx
ReplyDeleteI look at every newborn like... really, how does this happen so easily for some- it's hard to believe... even as I look at my own right now. I think we have greater appreciation for the true miracle that each birth is!
ReplyDeleteIt hasn't gone away for me, and I have a four-year-old! I'm still waiting...
ReplyDeleteGreat Post….. I read a few of your other posts.
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ReplyDeleteIt is a human nature. Many people want to share their joy publicly and some people didn't like that. But having a baby after taking fertility treatments will give more joy to everyone who are facing infertility issues.
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