Monday, 14 February 2011

Time on my hands

I'm now back from a lovely 12 day holiday in the sun over the Lunar New Year holiday and it's time to unload (or should it be upload?!) all the thoughts that have been swimming round my brain whilst lying on the beach doing absolutely nothing. Because the problem with beach holidays is all the time to think!

Luckily this holiday was much more peaceful that others over the last 2 and a half years.. that is, my mind has been much more peaceful than in the past. Until October 2010, I was working fulltime and holidays were a rare chance to sit and reflect. I really struggled with seeing young families playing on the sand.. a cute baby was enough to bring me to tears and a baby bump would have me wistfully staring until I forced my eyes away for fear of looking like a pyscho.

With 3 IUIs out of the way and the decision made to have IVF, I felt much better during this trip. That's not to say that there weren't any blips... The sight of a couple of cute toddlers on the beach with their fathers hit me hard one evening and I couldn't hold back the tears. My bloke looked horrified when he saw me welling up, but seemed to work out the reason pretty quickly and didn't push me to explain. The only other 'moment' was seeing a particularly happy looking family.. Dad pushing a toddler in a buggy and Mum, looking happy and blooming at about 7 months pregnant.  But I have now accepted that we need IVF (or, at least it's our best chance of having a baby anytime soon) and am hopeful that it will be successful.

That doesn't mean there wasn't other fertility stuff going round my head during my hols, so brace yourself for a few more musings over the next few days!

5 comments:

  1. Ahh, I recognize this too well. It's hard to be reminded of what could have been already. Good for you to get away for a holiday like that.

    Do you know when your IVF is scheduled? Also, nice to meet a British, but think I have been lurking around at your blog a while ago =)

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  2. I'm glad you were able to enjoy your holiday - even if you did have some bad moments. Having made a decision and working towards something is always very exciting but also peaceful as you feel some of the turmoil has passed. I have been very happy since Christmas when we started to pursue things.

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  3. Welcome back. So true, when one has time on their hands, it can be a thoughtful period for reflection, good and bad. Reading your post made me think how I often keep busy as a way of coping and then inevitably when I stop I start to process every thing. Maybe all that time to think will help in the long run, especially as you are about to embark on the next step!

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  4. I think I'm the opposite. I'm pretty much busy all the time, I just keep processing things in the back of my mind. If I have too much 'free' time I feel like I'm wasting it and I find something else to do.

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  5. Thanks everyone :) With me not working at the moment, I think the difference between my 'average' week and the holiday was that, when at home, I try to keep as busy as possible whereas on holiday, that's harder to do and besides, I do like lying on a sunbed reading a book ;)

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