So much to be thankful for....

As you probably know, I'm from the UK so Thanksgiving is not a holiday I would normally celebrate. Throw in several years in Asia and, although I have many friends who do celebrate this special day, there are not usually many outward signs that this past Thursday means anything at all.

But a gift from my fellow blogger at Mac & PC has inspired me to write a little something about what I have to be thankful for this year.  Thanks so much to Miss Mac for the Liebster Blog award.... Miss Mac's was one of the first blogs that I followed when we were starting our IF journey. We ended up having similar treatment types and our IVF cycles happened around the same time. It was reassuring to be able to follow her cycle as it progressed just a little bit ahead of mine and compare notes! Then came her wonderful BFP, shortly followed by my own :)  It has been equally reassuring, but somewhat more joyful to be able to follow her pregnancy and I look forward to continuing to follow the story of her new and long-awaited family.

The above says a lot about what I have to be thankful for this year. 2 IUIs, a laparoscopy/hysteroscopy and and an IVF cycle in the past 12 months (not counting the tests and treatment before that) brought us the BFP and the pregnancy that we wanted so desperately and had been waiting for. The last year also brought my Bloke a new job and resulted in our move from China to South Korea. My last post describes my current feelings of happiness, joy and calm, but it didn't say how thankful I still am and will always be for being in this fortunate position.

Now it's time to spread the love and recognise other bloggers that I follow by awarding them the Liebster blog award. Instead of the suggested 5, I'm just picking 3 who could really do with your love and support at the moment as they face different challenges in their IF and pregnancy journeys:

1. Princess Wahna Bea Mama
2. Cats with Passports
3. New Year Mum

Here's how to spread the Liebster Love (if you have chance... I know you all have a lot going on right now):  

• Copy and paste the award on your blog
• Thank the giver and link back to the blogger who gave it to you
• Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
• Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers

30 weeks... aka 'How did I get here?'... aka 'Did all that really happen?'

I hit 30 weeks last weekend and it feels like such a milestone. Now we'll be counting in 3- something weeks, it makes the arrival of our baby boy seem so much more imminent. And how are we doing? Very well, I think. As I write, baby boy is stretching,  which seems to involve feet pushing under my ribs on my right side and fingers poking very low down on my left side which always makes me jump! He seems to be at the stage where he is big enough for me to feel every movement in a major way, but not so big that his space to wriggle around is limited.  And I'm doing well - have been taking iron supplements for the anaemia which are hopefully working, but I'll find out at our monthly check-up tomorrow :)

Lately I've been feeling so well physically and so happy and settled emotionally that all we went through to get here almost seems like a dream.  Did I really go through all those tests and surgery?  Did I really give myself all those injections? Did I really have all those blood tests? Did I really spend all those hours (and hours and hours) sat in that Chinese fertility clinic?  Did I really go to that clinic every morning for 10 weeks after the BFP for the progesterone shots they wouldn't let me do myself?  It all seems so far away and so long ago...

That's not to say that I've created some alternative reality for myself where this baby was conceived naturally. I know that we are still infertile. I know that, should we want another child, I'll more than likely be returning to China for our precious frozen embies.  I know that this baby boy is a precious miracle and this pregnancy was worth every injection, blood test and minute in that clinic.

But I do feel that our infertility is no longer defining this pregnancy. The angst and fear of the 1st trimester has been replaced with a feeling of calm and confidence that my body can do this. We've recently started our pre-natal Hypno.birthing classes (they're another post in themselves) which (amongst other things) involve listening to positive affirmations about our pregnancy and future labour & delivery. I no longer flinch when I hear the affirmation talking about how my body was designed to conceive, carry and deliver this baby naturally. Maybe we needed some help getting here, but I feel I can now trust in my body to do the rest.

That's not to say that there won't be any complications or unexpected issues in the next 10 or so weeks. That's not to say that I won't end up having pain meds or other interventions, rather than the calm, natural delivery we're hoping for. But I no longer feel like they're more likely because of how we got here.

On re-reading this post, I wonder whether I sound like some born-again fertile... I don't want to minimise the struggles that we went through or that others are going through right now - whether in their IF journeys or in their post-IF pregnancies.  But I do want to enjoy every moment of the remainder of this pregnancy and I finally feel like I'm able to :)